I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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