from now on my penis is your penis
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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