so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
