consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
