She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
