I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
What a dumb baby whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize