So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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