i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
