I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize