Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
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And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
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Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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