She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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