so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
cat food counts as protein by the way
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Randomize
