Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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