Where are you?
In a non slutty way
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
