Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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