i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
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I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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