WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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