you will always have a special place in my vag
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
