having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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