He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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