we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
