she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
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Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
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