You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
