I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
