elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
