Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
