I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
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I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
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Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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