I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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