she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
