so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
