every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
