he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
im six kinds of drunk right now
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
