if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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