i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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