and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
