Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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