woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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