The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
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I was the one passing out cake at the bars
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
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i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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