evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
