Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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