And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
