MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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