I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
