we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You're like the curious george of whores
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
