Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
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