You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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