I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
