You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
well you can't waste a boner
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
