you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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