and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
