Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
