I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
