Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
they're like a gay fantastic four
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
