i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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