so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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