You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
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I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
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You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I have post one night stand depression
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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