Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Its about making memories worth repressing
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
