We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
