i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
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he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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