it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
