my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Damn victory sex feels great
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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