That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
