And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
