you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
