awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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